I wish you had given me more time to think about who I’d like to eavesdrop on, I said to my friend. I won’t mention their name as I don’t want anyone losing their jobs over this. I felt like a kid let loose in a candy store. Imagine having the choice to listen in on a phone call and someone you knew as well. This was about the most excitement 2020 was going to get me if I’m being honest. What with the year being a pair of dog’s balls as it is already! My friend reminded me I had 15 seconds to make a choice. I couldn’t think of anyone I’d like to listen in on. All my friends were boring squares and I knew as much about their lives as they did mine. Did I really want to hear about what they were going to do for dinner? God, I hadn’t even decided what I was going to make for dinner. Did we even have anything to eat for dinner? 5 seconds to go.
I decided on our Minister for our church. There was a lot of mystery over this so-called Man of God. He seemed like the sort that would call important people. I’d seen him in a picture with the Prime Minister, but then again who else hadn’t met the Prime Minister? He seemed like the kind who enjoyed those pictures of himself preening and looking self-righteous on the doorstep of Number 10. But I digress here. I gave my friend the name of the Minister and listened in as my call got connected. There was a soft clicking sound in the background. A familiar voice came on, the Minister’s voice of course and a female voice. Was it a member? I hear the Minister reciting a bible verse, he mentioned something about the Proverbs 31 woman. Oh, how I hated that stupid bible reading. So much pressure on a woman to be perfect, rising with the sun and making your family’s clothes with your bare hands. I mean I use my hands to pick clothes online late into the night so maybe that’s me being a modern-day Proverbs 31 woman? To be quite honest I’d rather give them all a bloody nose if they ever woke me up with the rising sun or asked me to make them their clothes. Anyway, back to the call which was starting to get a little interesting at this point. The woman was telling the Minister of a... hmmmm, a transgression of hers? How dramatic to refer to it as that? I would have referred to it as being simply human. Transgressions make me think of Quasimodo as he swung from the bells yelling, SANCTUARY! SANCTUARY!! I’m sure he did in the movie… But yes, there she goes again with that word, transgression. I just wanted her to bloody well get on with it and spit out the details so I could tell Neil. That’s my husband, he should be due back soon from work. I made sure to make note of all the little details the woman was mentioning. The Minister seemed to be asking a lot of very personal questions over the phone which I’m quite surprised about considering this really should be a conversation to be having face to face. I suppose with the way the world is now he must adapt his trade accordingly. Oh... it seems the plot thickens! The transgressor it seems has a family of his own but is wanting to leave his family to move in with this woman. She mentions that he is also a member and is simply unhappy with how his life is. Midlife crisis maybe? They seemed rather dull for two people planning secret meetups. I was starting to get bored at this point and was considering hanging up to make a start on dinner. The Minister asks what does she want to do knowing that she is going to be breaking up a family?
At this point I hear the front door open and footsteps coming towards the living room, it’s probably Neil. I look up to find him standing by the door staring at me just as the woman’s voice says in response to the Minister’s question, “Well Neil is on his way home now to break the news to his wife and will be returning to me straight after”.